Old Church. The Oude Kerk is indeed Amsterdam's oldest church and has been surrounded by all the garnishing and offerings of humanity's oldest trade (i.e., prostitution) for the vast majority of its history -- a history that has seen it chaotically evolve from single-nave chapel to hall church to a cross basilica. It began as a wooden chapel in 1306 but was built for the ages between 1366 and 1566 (and fully restored between 1955 and 1979), when the whole neighborhood was rife with monasteries and convents.

As a Catholic church dedicated to St. Nicholas (a forgiving sort who was relaxed enough also to offer patronage to salacious sailors and fallen women), it changed denomination during the Reformation when its furnishings were removed by the Iconoclasts -- whose arms fortunately could neither reach the 14th-century paintings still visible on its wooden roof (which had already miraculously survived the city fires of 1421 and 1452), nor the Virgin Mary stained-glass windows that had been set in place in 1550. But it did also lose its nickname as the city's "living room" where beggars and the homeless (and, one suspects, those who had squandered their cash in sins of the flesh) could sleep. When it finally settled to become Reformed in the 17th century, it became yet more sober, to be only slightly more balanced with the extravagant placing of its famed Vater-Muller organ. Among its many haphazard side buildings is the Bridal Chamber -- whose door wisely warns: "Marry in Haste, Mourn in Leisure" -- through which Rembrandt entered to marry Saskia. As it turns out, Saskia was later buried here under the small organ; Rembrandt tried to sell her plot when he was broke. Oude Kerk's haphazard evolution continues unabated: it is now a wholly unique exhibition space for modern-art exhibitions and the annual World Press Photo competition. Its carillon gets played every Saturday between 4 and 5. COST: EUR4.